Crazy Lift Lady strikes!!!
Stupendous Rash and I were having one of our usual InaneChatter (TM patent pending) conversations and I was all like hey, you realise if the only friend I have left in city actually well, you know what with you know what and then i will be all you know what (the first two you-know-whats are secret, the last one is not but if I told you, then you would guess at the first couple of you-know-whats and then it would not be secret and my real age is 31years old because I do not reveal secrets and am mature, married woman - bar nite antics aside)Then Stupendous Rash who takes her super-powers seriously thought that I needed to be resuced from impending life of being all alone on weekend watching reruns of Friends and Will&Grace so she came up with game plan of how I need to make new friends.
And I was like, how now brown cow?? There are being very limited ways to make friends at chronological age of 28. Let us not even be getting into my real age of 31years because I figure by then, all other people my age may have died and I will be all alone fighting alzeighmers or liver disease or whatever it is that affects people older than 30 and makes them the way they are...
So, I was like I know I know, I will start chatting up people in lift - living on 10th floor with very slow lift gives me mucho opportunity to catch unsuspecting fellow ashianites and try to make friendship with them And then Stupendous Rash also told me to use my secret weapon - husband's new cough syrup - it has 11%alcohol v/v and has been extremely effective in putting husband in good mood, hehehehhe.
I can ride the lift and when the fellow ahsianaite is starting to get all warmed up on making friendship with me, I can whip out cough syrup and spoons and cement the deal!!! YAY!!!
So, on thursday morning, feeling thinner and with producted hair I got into lift - guess who got into the lift on 8th Floor - the MTV VJ NIKHIL CHINAPPA in ganji and cut-offs... I sort of knew that he lived there but it was first time I has actually bumped into him in lift - time to put new plan in action.
Me to Chinappa: (surprised expression) Oh, so you live here??
Chinappa to me: ummm, yes!! You also live here?
Me to Chinappa: yes, I live on 10th floor
silence, we reach 6th floor (thinking thinking)
Me to Chinappa: So, nice tatoo
Chinappa to me: ummmm, thanks
silence, reaching 4th floor
Me to Chinappa: So, where are they from
Chinappa: Right arm - SF, left arm - Amsterdam
Me: Oh
silence
Me: So, do you like have insurance for them
Chinappa: (confused) ummm, insurance???
Me: You know in case it gets infected in foreign country and you get an abcess or something....
Chinappa: ummmm, well ...
life door opens and we reach ground floor
Chinappa: well, not really unless your skin is really sensitive it is not a problem
Me: (nodding wisely) yes, I see, well I have sensitive skin
Chinappa: (backing away slowly) Ok, bye
Me: (chirpily)ok, see you around
we meet in parking lot since it turns out his parking lot is right next to mine...
Chinappa: (forced smile) ok, bye
Me: (big chirpy anticipatory smile of being invited to wild mtv parties filled with nubile young metrosexuals hungry for older women) OK, bye, SEE YOU
ummm, its been four days - the car has not returned. ( I have been watching)
CRAZY LIFT LADY JUST HAD HER FIRST CASUALTY!!!!
posted by Nish @ 11:48 AM
8 He said She said:
..try try till you succeed baby! But for heaven's sake if it doesn't work we'll still have material for our book. And whats the name of that cough syrup? i think i feel a little "khich-khich" in gala! Cheers!
Also, you're crazy lift lady...WITH CATS!
Dear Nish,
Please find pasted below extracts from my conversation with your friend "I'm sure the not so stupendous rash now" for your kind perusal..
rushes says:
Publisher Releases Guide to Kicking Cats
July 25, 2002 - USA
The 45 page colour instructional book entitled "Kicking Cats" guides men through the process of kicking cats down flights of stairs without repercussions from their spouse or girlfriends. "It isn't as easy as one would think to successfully do and get away with", comments author John Moore.
rushes says:
"I was caught numerous times by my at the time girlfriends and eventually became determined to develop a fail-proof process. This book represents years of studying, practicing, research and an estimated 150 test cats. At first I was somewhat alarmed by my dislike for cats, when considering how much my girlfriends and ex-wife liked them.
rushes says:
But after talking to scores of other men about my pent up feelings of anger towards cats, I realized I was far from alone. That is why the introduction goes into great detail about the history of cat kicking and some of the current theories on men's hatred of cats. The secret to a successful kick is to first befriend the cat, building its trust in you.
rushes says:
It is when the cat is truly relaxed and comfortable around you that you can then angle it towards the stair case for a mighty punt."
for further action at your end..
yours truly..
sigh!!!!!!!! she still Stupedous Rash for me - she know I hold the keys to Bar nite and muchos cheapos el beeros so she no dare mess with my kids.
thanks for the heads up tho - muah
hehehhahahahahaha....Intrepid pilot lost face again! how many times must i tell you krix...give it up already! not ever working to put spoke in well lubricated (with alcohol!) friendships...and oh yes...that calvin pic now stays!
Dear Nish,
Owz u?? Longtemps.. further to Rash the poophead's remarks on cats, I'd like to share with you some astute observations about cats that I have made over the years.. 29 to be precise:
1) Cats do what they want, when they want.
2) They rarely listen to you.
3) They're totally unpredictable.
4) They whine when they are not happy.
5) When you want to play they want to be left alone.
6) When you want to be alone, they want to play.
7) They expect you to cater to their every whim.
8) They're moody.
9) They leave their hair everywhere.
10) They drive you nuts.
Hence my conclusion:
Cats are small wimmen in furcoats :)
copy to: Rash
Cats like women
Are moody creatures positively erratic,
Leaving hair everywhere a habit idiosyncratic.
Women play games around the house
Toying with men like a cat with its mouse
Nagging, tormenting, taunting, tempting...
Cats drive you nuts and cost an arm and a leg,
Like small women in fur coats that make men beg.
So of all things howled by dogs and men,
Written by writers with paper and pen,
About women and their cat
Let me give a final caveat.
One thing’s evident in a world gone sappy.
If women and cats ain’t happy,
....ain’t nobody happy!!!
N the great bill Watterson has this to say:
Hobbes:
Named after a seventeeth-century philosopher with a dim view of human nature, Hobbes has the patient dignity and common sense of most animals I've met. Hobbes was very much inspired by one of our cats, a gray tabby named Sprite. Sprite not only provided the long body and facial characteristics for Hobbes, she also was the model for his personality. She was good-natured, intelligent, friendly, and enthusiastic in a sneaking-up-and-pouncing sort of way. Sprite suggested the idea of Hobbes greeting Calvin at the door in midair at high velocity.
my dear interpid fighter pilot
you've gone and done it havent you - now have to write ode to pepe lola and tig!!! not on almost weekend dude!! those are my ode to margaritas and all things alcoholic
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