The Dilemma (or Paheli)
If you have seen Parineeta, then you have seen Saggy Over-rated Rekha sing Kaisey Yeh Paheli hai Zindagi (bracketing about how if I pay good money I want to see some inspiring shaded cleavage and tight abs and not ancient Rekha still thinking that using 4 layers of Pancake and raising over-arched eyebrow can make her an item number) -which means what a conundrum life is – (and score for Fabulous Nish as she uses big word she can spell and know the meaning of) And that is actually how I knew what the movie Paheli, a SRK production was all about.
So, the familia went off to see Paheli – A SRK production and a Amol Palekar directed story. And my expectations were dashed - Because you know, if you see it – you would really think the only problem Rani Mukherji would have in life is choosing between the pseudo-antique emerald set or the pseudo-antique ruby set.
Am I too critical? Because the movie is shot beautifully – the whole Rajastan=colour idea executed superbly. And the CG is also not bad – but first the plot.
Lacchi (Rani Mukherji) is young woman, who gets married to Kishenlal (a bumbling whipped SRK) who always obeys stingy baniya father (played brilliantly by Anupam Kher) who leave her the morning after the wedding without consummating the wedding. And on the trip from the wedding venue to the sasural, a ghost sees Lacchi and falls in love and decides to take on SRK’s avtar and land up as her lover.
So, Lachhi takes brave (yea, right – she getting laid what is so brave about that???) decision to sleep with ghost since rightful husband is away making money.
The problems start when the original Kishenlal wonders why his family has forgotten him and deiceds to come back – this is the kahani mein twist time when Rani is about to have ghost baby (which reminds me of SR (Stupendous Rash not Shah Rukh) joke which goes what do you call ghost with Veneral Disease???? STD bhooth – hehehehhe)
So, Anupam Kher decides to take both Kishenlal’s to the Raja to decide which one is the real one and they bump into goatherd played again brilliantly by Amitabh Bacchhan.
I am slightly disturbed by the trend of technically brilliant films with no soul – this movie is beautiful and performances are excellent for the most part. I have no idea why Juhi Chawla dressed to the heebyjeeby nines and Sunil Shetty have been given walk-on parts, unless SRK thinks they are lucky mascots or something. I am a bit ODed on Rani, who does a competent job.
However, there are so many nuances and dialogues that I missed because all the Tanishq jewellery and crazy-heavy sarees totally distracted me.
So, I would recommend people go watch this movie but only if you are a SRK fan. Or you need to preview some nice jewellery!!! Or wanted to do Rajasthan toursim without all the heat & dust and with much prettier people to see.
More Adventure of Crazy Lift Lady & Stupendous Side-Kick
Stupendous Rash flew into town on her annual June visit, and life went spinning into a whirl of gossip sessions, shopping, cheap non-fattening beer and meeting up with other friends.
So this week has been E&E (exhilarating and Exhausting) and I have not blogged simply because I have been living my life. Its crazy, it is tension filled and I love it.
So Friday was spent wishfully thinking that it would pour and the metrologist (or is it meteorologist and why is it that - because they predict weather not meteors?) said it would pour like crazy and people were advised not to get out of the house for useless work. Which meant you know, whoring bloody low-value sweaters… and instead dashing off to Sassanian Irani café for some rocking double cheese double omlets, kheema, chincken dhansak, mutton cutlets and very many bun maskas and chai – ooooooooh, I love Irani cafes. Such high-fat zones that we cant even stress about it and just indulge…
Then we wanted to do rasta shopping at Colaba Causeway but hello, where to be leaving the Naughty Boy? (He has just had his booty smashed in the day before where I was very strong & adult and ohsoshivaji Park-marathi sahib sahib and dragged offending Naughty Boy booty smasher to police station to make righteous anger-driven complaint. Creepy 4000rs per month earning driver turned out to have even creepier employer who mis-heard my name as my famous sister and invited me to his hotel room for re-imbursement – like, yea, whatever!!! )
So, we zoom into the Taj driveway (hotel, not Mahal – I don’t think the Taj Mahal has valet) and gaved car for valet and sneaked off from Louis Vuitton entrance hehehehahhahaha (evil laugh)… Then we went and got cheap sun-glasses, earrings a nd Pani-puri!!! and then we gaved 9rupees in coins to giant sardar valet and zoomed off - so ishmart we are.
Then we went for some economy boosting at Hawaiin Shack where we never have to worry about running out of conversation.
The rain though – is just not letting up and all of Gujrat is flooded, which reminds me that goods supposed to reach my factory are not reaching and also a hilariously prejudiced joke involving Hitler in Baroda. But my blog is prejudice free (unless it is rickshaw drivers or ugly people, or you know people whose opinions are different from mine). So, no, no – but if you really want to hear it email me.
More later!!!
Sorry, boys this ride is closed
Date: 23/6/05
Venue: J W Marriot
Theme: Diamonds, the bigger the better
Oh Oh, occassion: Joshi-Oberoi engagement
So, The Josh was dined, wined and winneded over and she is now officially engaged. This took 6 long months and very sadly i whose permission should be the most sought after only gotted 1 free meal out of it... which is why I hit the smoked salmon cups with major venganace, and the yummy shawarma and the wine bar and the prawns with thermidor sauce and the biryani and the thai curry.
Oh, the rest of engagemnt was all very nice also...since I am to be mature and sophisticated best friend (hmmmm, wonder how long that will last??) I do not have any adventures - except for how we disposed of 4 rows of smoked salmon cups each one 12 cups deep and husband dearest very carefully threw away cups and hid evidence hehahhehaheh (evil laugh). I was gracoius and with blow-dried hair and manicured nails and allover elegance and charm....
Then I got borrd - behaving well can do that to me, so I wented over to wine bar and said hello, wine-bar-take-carer, can you please be slipping me some wine please - and he did, and then after and after i was not so bored and even got mr. joshi who had been strictly forbidden to talk to scoth-bar-take-carer to give small wave to scotch bar and voila, magically he had scotch in front of him ...which made both of us not so borrrd people. I really belive that 2 glasses of wine make the world a better place, even if the theme is diamonds and I console myself with my not-quite-1-carat-diamond since I only sell dumb-low-value sweaters. i say always to be having the wine when looking at the small diamonds on owns hand and the big ones on others hand, necks, ear lobes and all other possibly exposed body parts.
Oh, oh and Mid-day reported that Akshay Kumar is Vikas's baaast frend and will be coming for shaadi and he actually did with twinkle and his pic is right here.
Oh, oh and I tooked this pic of happy engaged couple and here it is and I assume VO is looking at GJ but what is she looking at?
Anyway, the wedding is in goa and if you want to come, please to start cultivating my friendship... as best friend i still have some pull left!!
Q: Why i clean my feet?
A: I suffer from chronic foot-in-mouth disease.
like when I met jharna two weeks ago and she was with some guy who did not look familiar from any angle and he was all lovely warm hellos, we met at Diwali - I happily said oh, sorry - I only remeber that guy who helped me with my cards... umm, I was that guy responded still not familiar-looking boy. OOOPS!!! I ranned back to my mango cheesecake.
And now I have to be on my baaast behaviour becos I am not to be revealing my true bhangi, idiot avatar to the baaast friends baaast beau. So, we are chatting and baast friend swishes into room with her lovely hair and rosy cheeks and hot top and beau says in Hindi - badi haaat lag rahi hai (in full punju-ishtyle) and I cracked up and was like oh i get it i get it like in Bunty&bubbli and her put-on punjabi accent - to which i got one blank look and one shut-up-u-idiot-and-admire-ceiling look!!! cos you see he wasnt putting it on - that is actually how they say hot in his part of JVPD scheme.
I thinking I have to now keep mouth full at all times with food or alcohol throught wedding to preempt any more foot-in-mouth fox-poxes. Or you know, just keep buying the really expensive Origins gigner souffle foot scrub!!!
Two pickchers and a dog-bite
How was my weekend? Well, short version is I saw two movies and had a dog bite me - never going to say THAT to anyone anytime soon. Long version? Here goes
Movie Review 1: Batman Begins
The director Christopher Nolan has quite a 'different' take on why young Bruce Wayne is scared of bats and disturbed - he falls down an old well shaft on the massive Wayne Mansion grounds and has an overwhelming number of bats fly past him. It is pretty clear the bats did not attack him but yea, well shaky experience and all that leading to him not being able to watch an opera with people dressed as bats dancing- and therefore, his parents escort him out of the opera theater onto a shady hell's angel variety of street and get mugged and shot dead. Hole-in-story #1 - If you were to see opera in Gotham, would it not be in a better lit, Upper West Sideish area of town - if they so rich, how come they sitting in stalls?? huh??
Then, hole-in-story#2 - Bruce Wayne disappears and turns to life of crime (sortof) and lands up in Mongolian prison whilst everyone in Gotham thinks he is dead - hmmmm, I am thinking if his company is making so many high-tech weaponry and military stuff, surely they can trace someone - I mean passport checks, people?
Hole-in-story #3 - Then, Liam Neeson finds him in Mongolian prison, gets him out and trains him to be a ninja warrior - now when historically has batman been a martial arts expert - DC comics always had him more into pugilistics, pure strength and gymnastic feats variety of fighter. So, again disagreement from my true version.
Hoe-in-story #4 - The batmobile is a smooth porsche roadtser type car and not a bloody tank.
Hole-in-story #5 – Batman would never get anybody but Albert to help him, for fear of his indentity becoming known – here, Morgan Freeman practically does everything for him but get into the bat-tights. Plus Batman would never give away his identity to the girl in pickcher either.
Personal Rants #1 – Batman needs to necessarily have an interesting mouth – Val Kilmer was the best, though I loved Micheal Keaton’s cut glass upper lip ‘M’.
Personal Rant #2 – heroine should be HOT, and should be kissed after resue mission. Not bloody lecturing on justice and revenge. Batman stood for vengeance a lot – he was always portrayed as an avenger and he has been my fave hero because he had that dark disturbed side to him
Personal Rant#3 – The nemesis also needs to be a character and not just a bloody ninja warrior – otherwise, it just being Manhattan version of Hong-Kong movie!!
So, this movie gets *star. But go see it for yourself if you really really want!!!
Movie REview #2 - Parineeta - Sarika and I went to see this in the second row from the screen, because I figures if it was really bad, it was only the price of a carton of milk (I was trying to think of some drink small enough, but bomba is too expensive to be ablke to get any drink or even mixer in 40bucks, sigh!!)
But funnily, the seats were not that bad - samosas were not that good tho - the oil wasnt hot enough, so they were not evenly brown. Oh, the pickcher??? Yes, getting to that -
Parineeta is adapted from a novel of Sarat Chandra or some similar Bengali writer. There is an intersting article in the Sunday Indian Express about how this writer is not really regarded highly in his home-state, since his ideas are of meek, submissive women and repressed, moody men. I say it all true - have deep experience of the moody bong mind.
The film opens on day of Shekhar (Saif Ali Khan) wedding day, where he sits down on paino and goes into melancholic woe is me!! tune bajoing and thinking about Lolita, (now you may think, this bong name sounds implausible - but it is true - they have funny musical names - like Tapur, Tupur the model sisters, and Moon-moon the actress and Glory, husband's friend. Makes Bubbli sound not so bad no???)
It's the story of Shekhar, a rich kid whose father Navin Rai (stern, punjabi face)wants to take over the haveli of Lolita's uncle to build a heritae hotel. He can do that because he gave a loan of a lakh and some (the amount keeps changing from a lakh and half to a lakh eighty) to Lolita's mama against the haveli property papers. Shekhar has no idea aout this - he is happy playing music and being the possessive best friend with simmering passion for the now sexy bloused Lolita (the stunningly shot Vidya Balan, who when asked how she prepared for role of Bengali 'good girl' said she feels very bengali and she loves bengali sweets) and when Lolita wants to give the money back, she approaches Girish(Sanjay Dutt, looking fat) who is rich steel magnate in tradition of Laxmi Mittal, who takes out money as left-hand-game and buys her haveli back for her. Then the plot winds around to have us belive that Girish and Lolita (still in stunning blouses) will get married and leave for London, on which Shekhar in jealous rage agrees to marry Gayatri (Diya Mirza) whose daddy is richer than his daddy. Flash-back time is over and as Shekhar is still banging moodily on paino with repressed resentment and suppressed rage, Girish comes back and gives him Lolita's property papers and corrects his misconceptions about the purity of Lolita and then Shekhar's suppressed rage makes him pick up the water fountain (all the workouts at Barbarian gym, Versova paid off) and breaks down the literal & metaphorical wall between Lolita and him and they hug and she gets khoon bhari sinddor maang, since she had secret marriage ceremony (I say any excuse to do takatak when house is empty because of durga pooja) with Shekhar.
So, happy ending and the movie is significantly an improvement on the SLB version of Devdas – I just don’t understand why anyone would want to make a movie about depressed bongs in very many technicolours.
** star rating (I * for giving me inspiration for making blouse for GJ shaadi)
Dog-bite – happened late last nite when me in my crazy about cats avatar went down to the lawns where a mommy-cat and three cute baby-cats were all huddled against the rain to feed them and guess I smelled a bit cat-like (versus catty, which is what I am at bars with Rash checking out women fatter than me) and Gus, the 3rd floor German Sheperd just plain jumped and tried to take huge chunk of my tummy off when I said hi to him on his nocturnal bush-wetting session. Bloody idiot – that is NOT how I want to get rid of the balance jiggly bits. So, now I have dog-teeth marks on tummy. And if I foam at mouth while driving and bite idiot rickshaw drivers, blame it on the rabies. hehahahehahehahea (evil laugh - cos I dont actually have rabies you know, its just beer)
a whole lotta alimony
I just realised that Liz, you know LIz Hurley and I know each other - if you apply the six degrees of seperation theory!!
1. I am a supplier to OTTO-AGN, the buying house
2. It is owned by Nikki Nayar
3. Who is brother of Arun Nayar
4. Who is bonking the gorgeous and endowed Liz Hurley
There - just four degrees of seperation. There is also one on how I am related to Kishore Kumar, but I shall not reveal all my claim-to-fame party tricks in one posting!!!
However, didja know Arun Nayar is now divorcing his wife Valentina Pedroni to do rub-a-dub with Liz??? And guess how much alimony Valentina is suing him for - 4.5crore. Thats a whole lotta swim-suits for Liz to sell since Arun's little computer biznez aint doing too well and we all know how tight-fisted the Germans are and his mother is German and his dad is a pilanderer...heheheh love how i know goosy jossip.
And then he claimed that Valentina used to do 'mental torture' and deprived him of kids and ergo he should not have to pay her 4.5crore to get her off his back so he can do rub-a-dub with Liz!!! And Val (she is a third degree friend after all, can hardly keep calling her Valentina, its like saying vous, vous instead of tu, tu)
is tres unhappy that she has been accused of 'mental torture' and all this has been reported by 'close friends (of the 0.5 or 1 degree of seperation variety) who do not wish to be named'. Now me is thinking many things
a. Why would any dignified self-respecting working woman
(Val 'imports' scarves and other indian beaded things to europe for muchos euros and says she has her own money) want money from a scumbag who wants to rub-a-dub her former baaaaaast frend??? (self-defeating answer being probably that becos he was doing rub-a-dub with former baaaast frend.
b. What eggzackly constitutes 'mental torture'?? Like is it if the cat keeps wanting to get into a/c bedroom and then wanting to go out in 10 mins and strategically choosing the side of bed away from door so can say but u closer to door so you open it? Or is it like I filled the water bottles yesterday, so today is your turn and you didnt do it you bad bad? Or like you washed my dark socks but mixed pairs, so I dont have matching socks and have to hope that others dont notice its dark pants-light socks (such a fashion no-no in the empire of Fabulous Nish of the all dark socks so hehehe have no problems what is washed fame) ? I really really wanna know so you know, some day if well, you know then the suee cannot turn to me the suer and pull out long list of 'mental tortured' householid stuff to get away from not keeping me in sportmix catfood for life.
c. Liz Hurley is 40 and gorgeous and stays that way by not having dinner - hmmmmm, will do so from tonight - actually was supposed to be last nite but husband got home evil burger and only way i know to kill evil burger is by exposing it to my extra-strong gastric juices and evil tapeworm combination!!!
And now Karishma Kapoor has gotted lovely daughter out of Sunjay Kapoor and is moving back to Bombay and filing for divorce again for muchos money 7crores - me is findging major connection with her ex-lovah Abhishek Bachhan suddenly having rocking career and doing very well and the new daahhling of industry and also husband doing (whisper whisper) coke **GASP***. And I am also thinking that if she does get this money out of coke-snorting-numerologist-visiting husband (i mean comeon, Sanjay is spelt with a not u) her next song should be ch***** banaya, bada mazzaa aayaa. And again - she also has lotsa potsa money since she was big-time film-star and will get back into films again I am sure.
I dont know, I am thinking to be following husband and hoping to catch him doing something wilder than downloading anti-virus patches and drinking something more alcholic than tea and then rushing for pre-nup agreement.......... except i not have one. Damn it, knew i was forgetting something in whole heady whirlwind of sarees and menu planning and last drinking session while single!!!
Were they thinking of us when they made up this joke?
Lady's Night Out
Two women are walking home after a lady's night out.
They are very drunk and as the walk home is taking some time due to their state they find themselves desperate for a wee. At this moment they are passing a church and decide to relieve themselves behind the headstones in the graveyard. As they finish they both realize they have nothing to wipe themselves with so the first woman decides to use her knickers and throw them away.
The second woman is wearing very expensive underwear and is reluctant to lose them, but then she notices a new grave nearby with lots of new fresh flowers, amongst which is a very lavish bouquet with thick soft ribbon. 'Just the job' she decides and without another thought duly pulls the bouquet over and uses the ribbon to dry herself.
Their task completed the women continue staggering home.
Next morning, the husband of the first woman phones the husband of the second - " We need to keep an eye on our wives, Mine came home with no knickers on last night!"
"You think you've got problems" exclaims the second husband "My wife came home last night with a card stuck up her arse that said, "We'll never forget you - From all the lads at the Fire Station."
I ish losing another frend!!!
Its true and official - buyer of labels has proposed marriage and babies and lovely holidays and happy times to my baaaaaast frend since we were 10 and now she is going away!!!!!! WAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!
I mean I know it is only to Juhu, but it is still far away from Mt. Carmel which is five minutes away from me and a whole lot more mentally if you consider that I have been warned that she will need to spend time with VO instead of me for next 1 year to get to know each other. Which means I will have to start carrying cough syrup in lift and trap unsuspecting mucis channel VJs again!!!
The engagement is next week and I see impending doom filled with lovely fabrics and sequins and tear drop emeralds ahead. Many changes are happeneing in my life and my little heart cant handle it... I am already losing her - I can tell by the fact that she is no longer sprawled on my sofa most weeknights digging into peperoni pizza, chaffing cheap wine and cracking up over Friends reruns.
However, since she has to get hitched considering she is nearly the same age that I am which is 2 years away from the big three-o, I could not be happier and hope VO knows just how lucky he is to get my baaaaaaaast frend. Very many happy times ahead for both of you - love you GJ - you ish miy superstar!!
99 things about me
1. I am an underachiever - I know that I can do much more than I actually do.
2. I want to be a writer - I used to write for my college magazine and I dont know how I landed up in a garment export company, other than it belongs to my parents and it was easier than struggling to do something I really wanted.
3. There are only about five people in the world that I am completely, totally comfortable with and can trust with my soul. The rest are great friends and amazing people to have fun with.
4. I love being married - though there is a lot of friction and irritants, I love doing stuff for someone else and running a home and having someone to come back to at the end of the day. Appeals to my inner Domestic Goddess!!
5. I struggle everyday with my weight - it is a battle, one which I often want to give up on, but do not because osteoporosis and arthritis are in my genes and I want to not have problems when I get older. And also to look hot in diesel bloody 1500rs 26" low waister jeans.
6. I think I am a very good listener - this surprises most people since I remember random stuff they tell me and I worry and get concerned that they think I am more interested or that they are more special to me than they are – because they are not, I am just a good listener.
7. My favorite ice-cream flavours are choc-chip, butterschotch and cookie-dough in that order. But I do not really like ice-cream.
8. I hate my personal space being invaded. I hate when husband puts his ties or nice shirts in my cupboard, I hate people I dont know touching me or standing too close to me.
9. I am very bad at keeping in touch - that is why most of my friends are the ones I have known since I was 10.
10. I cannot understand abstract concepts - that is why I suck at statistics and trignometry. Why should sin+ cos make any sense, except that some old guy in greece said it does, huh?
11. I understand and love high fashion - I really really do - I know my Pradas from my Marc Jacobs and Tom-Ford YSL from Tom-Ford Gucci. My dream job is fashion journalism/ fashion video. My favourite thing to do when alone is to curl up with hot mug of tea and VOGUE. I really really miss Tom Ford.
12. I love running - currently I run 4km in 20mins my goal is 6km in half hour - working on my stamina
13. I love weight training too - it makes me feel strong and puts me in touch with my masculine side, hehe.
14. I love all my male cousins and think I am so lucky I grew up a total tom-boy. I miss them and look forward to the crazy vacations when they visit.
15. I had the most wonderful childhood and really miss my grand-parents.
16. I am genuinely interested in meeting new people and it can take a lot to make me feel negative about someone.
17. I am very very adjusting and very happy to go along with most plans - I follow, other lead. This often make my life diffcult when there are two leaders with different agendas.
18. I think my parents are the most wonderful parents in the world but maybe they should have been stricter so I would have stuck to swimming and dancing lessons.
19. I flirt shamelessly and think it is ok since I am going home to my husband - however, it can often backfire when other men do not know that I am happily married.
20. I am an eternal optimist - it is very very difficult to bring me down and I hate whiny people. I am congenitally cheerful and very rarely have a bad morning.
21. I am very protective about my friends and will completely cut relations with people who hurt them.
22. I am obsessive about neatness but it is a losing battle in my house with the cats and messy husband and their toys and books.
23. I have a very short temper, sometimes irrationally but in hind-sight it always seems worth it. People I have been pissed off at now fear/ respect me.
24. I love my pets - I have a stray doggie Sox who lives with my parents and three cats - Pepe, Tigger and Lola who live with me.
25. I am good at multi-tasking, which means I finish my work much faster than other peopl and make me look like I am slacking, like right now for making lists.
26. I want to live in Manhattan at some point in my life for atleast a year.
27. Scuba diving was one of the best things I did ever - I am dying to repeat it as soon as possible.
28. I crave fancy stuff - I am a label whore but I do not have the money to buy it and it is ok - making do without stuff does not affect my happiness
29. I suspect I am quite shallow sometimes, since my most pressing problems tend to be getting new shoes in a new shade or a different heel.
30. I wish I was 5inches taller.
31. I love to dance - I am happiest dancing - preferable with Rash, to hip-hop with muchos margaritas in me.
32. I over analyse and obsess about imagined mean stuff I may have done or had done to.
33. I dont sweat as much as other people and this triggers some funny internal heat controlling thing in my body which gives me heat strokes.
34. I need 8hours of sleep or I am cranky. I am getting used to making do with 7 hours since the last two weeks.
35. I hate people who do khich-pich about money and stuff - especially if it is a friend or family member - stuff is to be shared and it should not matter who pays for what meal or who wore whose top more often in the long journey of freindship in the end.
36. At the same time, I hate free-loaders and do expect a return on my investment in the other person – I can give generously only upto a certain point and I do like it if people are there for me in return.
37. My mother rocks - she has been through many stressors in life and she has always handled them beautifully without ever letting it show.
38. My parents have the most wonderful marriage and are a constant source of inspiration to me.
39. I get frustrated by friends or family who do not make use of their gifts - natural or given and waste their time.
40. I want better hair - its too kinky and never looks nice and society-society.
41. I have foot in mouth disease and can embarrass my friends with my stark sorry, I do not remember you honesty.
42. I can be really funny, but not many people get my jokes - in fact only Rash gets them
43. My favourite food in the world is boiled mung-dal sprouts with chutney-peet and papad-wadi - very easy to please.
44. I cannot stand being alone - I am highly dependent on companionship - I hated my year in Calcutta where I did not have a soul to talk to during the day.
45. I am ready to have a child – I would be a great mother, and think husband would make a great father if he could get over his various socio-economic hang-ups.
46. Marriage more than anything teaches you patience and to swallow many many heated words that are on the tip of the tongue.
47. But some words escape, and are never forgotten. By either party and saved up for future use – this is something I have learnt in five years.
48. I love how I still pretty much can lead a single girl’s life as long as all the Domestic Goddessing is also thoroughly taken care of.
49. I am a reckless and impulsive shopper.
50. My favourite stuff to buy is shoes, clothes, books in that order.
51. I volunteer somewhat with Welfare of Stray Dogs and want to do more – I love dogs and almost all animals. I would like to also work for a street kid NGO but need to be less lazy for that to happen - atleast the spirit is willing.
52. I hate cockroaches and flies though and think they are Satan’s inventions.
53. I really, really want to be a vegetarian and have been this whole weekend.
54. I hate that the only option vegetarians have in most places is paneer. It makes me sick and I have ODed on it this weekend - potatoes are hi-carb - what is a vegeterian to do???
55. I love to cook – it appeals to the take care of the other people in my life angle of me.
56. I am 97% virgo – I took a quiz – I am anal about my stuff, very very picky about my clothes (though I dress bhangi loads of times, its always a clean bhangi) and very anal about time and punctuality and crossing my t and dotting my i.
57. I love being cuddled and given loads of attention – I took a personality disorder quiz and it said I have a histrionic narcissictic personality which means I think I am very needy and attention hungry, which is true.
58. I am a terrible patient – I make big scenes while taking medicines, blood tests, going to the doctor and my husband is the only one who can be around me when I am like that. Though I am an angel when he is not around which means I only do it around him (to understand that part of my psyche , see point #57)
59. I have 33pairs of shoes and need atleast 10more that are already in the store and want to buy.
60. I may look at other men, but have never really felt the slightest flutter for any man since I met my husband.
61. I wish I had bigger boobs and thinner thighs.
62. Surprisingly, for a woman I am very satisfied with my butt. Its cute but kind of gets overshadowed by my fat thighs.
63. I hate hate running on the treadmill but love running in the open on a running track. It’s the rat in a wheel aspect that really bugs me.
64. My favourite colours are black, pink, red in that order
65. I have intriguing and technicolour dreams. I almost always dream about my day and the sub-consious desire of how I wish it had gone.
66. I am very secure in the knowledge that I am loved by my parents, my husband and my friends – I take it as a given and know that I do not have to do anything to earn it – just be myself.
67. I am a little insecure about my looks – I wish I had a better jawline and a nose – its my profile that bothers me.
68. I do not like being considered a cuddly-buddly by people other than my parents, my husband, Rash and GJ.
69. I love the idea of adventure sports but hate actually having to climb rocks and boulders and get dusty. I love water sports for the same reason - no dust.
70. My idea of roughing it is to sleep without air-conditioning.
71. I am a bit spoilt – though not fussy.
72. I procrastinate a lot – especially in house-hold chores like laundry and refrigerator cleaning.
73. I think people at heart are not good – we all have the devil in us and its just circumstances that prevent us from commiting violence – we just have to look at the holocaust, the Gujrat riots or the civil strife in Africa and Yugoslavia to understand how we are just waiting for incitement and license for law & order to fall apart.
74. I hate our government, which only succeeds by keeping people poor and illiterate – it is a bigger scam that the WMD of Iraq.
75. I think Indians have no manners – which is one of the reasons I have a short fuse while driving. It has nothing to do with how many of us are there on the road, it is a question of self-discipline and not pushing your big-assed Lancer ahead of everyone else.
76. I love InaneChatter (TM, patent pending) and our alter egos Stuepdous Rash & Fabulous Nish
77. I want a second chance at my education choices – to do Communication studies over Economics & Accounting, to do Fashion Journalism at FIT over MBA at SPJAIN.
78. The only good thing about my MBA was it exposed me to many different kinds of people that I would otherwise not have met – otherwise it really is a bullshit degree.
79. I hate how men think it is ok to stare and very obviously undress women who have absolutely no interest in their horrible minds and bodies – this happens at the best of restaurants and often the men are married. I want to just give them a good kick in the balls and have to exercise good manners and pretend they don’t exist – hate it.
80. I do not understand how men can confuse friendliness, warmth and a non-duplicitious approach with a woman being cheap or loose.
81. I do not understand men period – I have had what I consider really good male friends who suddenly have stopped keeping in touch after they are married!!! The reason they were my good male friends is because I was not interested in them, duh!!!
82. I love my female friends – I can spend hours talking to each and every one of them and the few friends I have – have never had to play mind-games with.
83. I think I am sexy and interesting.
84. I love sushi – which is hard when you are trying to be a vegetarian.
85. I believe in love – I cannot understand marrying for anything less that head-over- heels-spin-me-around-crazy-doped-out-cant-get-your-hands-off-each-other-noone-else-in-the-room kind of love. That feeling may not last forever but the warm fuzzy memories of those crazy times can see you through a lot later when I am muttering under my breath.
86. I think the Chinese are an extremely cruel race and pretty much deserve the Japanese being mean to them – anyone who can condone and actively encourage the killing of tigers for personal consumption which is again based on false premises pretty much deserves a slow painful death. Plus they have rotten trade practices and have damaged many economies with their controlled wages.
87. I hate injustice of any kind but it is too overwhelming to fight – that’s why I love my little cats who were abandoned as much as I can – though it does not balance out the greater evil in the world.
88. I love to go out to bars and party places and be in a loud music (but not too loud), crowded (but not too crowded) atmosphere where margaritas are being served.
89. I can do the above with a crowd of 20, but my favourite would be to do it with Rash only. That way we don’t have to pretend to be interested in other people around us for politeness sake.
90. A party with free alcohol is like a bull in a china shop for me.
91. I love dressing up and being girly.
92. I love grocery shopping
93. I love having my pictures taken and know that I have a fabulous smile with dimples.
94. I can lie really well – white lies only though – I never lie by omission.
95. I love my routines – I am very disoriented when I sleep during the day and party all night which I do with Rash but actually love being disoriented when with her.
96. My favourite place in the whole world is Morjem beach, Goa with a pulp fiction novel, and a nice glass of beer.
97. I have a very possessive streak and hate to share my friends or husband with other people.
98. I hate nagging and have to stop myself from doing so.
99. I hate cold-callers on my cell-phone and think it shows a total and utter lack of regard for other people’s privacy.
There, I’m done – this was exhausting… no more lists for some time.
not so deep&profound thought for the day
How can I become vegeterian (flirting with idea caused by having to follow truck filled with poor squashed & diseased chickens for two days in a row) when I have spent the most part of my 28years of meal-times picking out anything that looks remotely like vegetable and sliding it under plate or tissue?
OYE BUBBLY!!
Fell sick on weekend - stupid virus which i though only affected NRI cousins and dim-wit brothers felled me - no movie, no dimsum, no partying... and and not sick enough for husband to get me cooling drink with bendy straw in multiple colours.
Anyway, saw Bunty aur Bubbly - and needing to be reviewing and sharing my non-expert and low common denominatorish views on this movie. (As my uncle said, my standards are really low) You can probably read about the story on msn or rediff, so let me get into my opinions (of course!!)
I liked I liked - I know loads of people didnt like and the buyer of expensive gifts for frend actually said I should see it because either way I would regert it - but I did not (small foot stamp here for emphasis)
(Ed Note: Views reflected below are of author only and not shared by blog; please dont sue me - can fake death for insurance only once)I shall now procced to grade the movie on four angles
1. Acting - Abhishek, Abhishek, Abhishek!!! He is so yummy - I know everyone says he's over-rated and smug but I loved him as the loud jazzy chape suit guy in the first con for chit-funds, the small time wheeler-dealer in the Taj sale con, the piling on to Ash and doing those total chavanni steps in item number "Kajra re"
Rani - love her too. And I love that she totally didnt care that she doesnt have thse six-pack abs of Esha Deol and can still wear all those skimpy tops and do stupid Shiamak Davar steps and still be sucha babe!!! Who needs fab ab when she can act anyone under the table!!! And again , very sorry but I like AB with his leather jacket and kara re steps!!
2. Dialogues - most of them were quite funny - the TAJ con where the bunch of protestors say hamaari mange poori karo and the MP says but what are your maange? and they go Inquilab Zindabad!!! hehehehe or even the part where AB comes back to get B&B for last con and AB junior is like hame is sharafat ki zindagi se bachao!!!
AND NOW I WILL GO INTO MY LOVE/HATE RELATIONSHIP MODE WITH YASH-RAJ FILMS:
3. Plot/ story - this is a con-artist caper which is a slightly difficult story to keep innovative for 3 hours. I mean how many wigs and cleave revealing outfits can you put Rani into?? So, this was weak and I would highly recommend that pen and paper and any form of machinery that allows Aditya Chopra to put his thoughts down and made public to unsuspecting movie going public be denied to him. HE SUCKS!!! SERIOUSLY - HAS ANYBODY SEEN VEER-ZAARA - sucha sucky over-rated trite movie where SRK was only only saving grace. But back to this movie - the story feels ripped off and become very ewww towards end with 6-month old baby shooting out of Rani's uterus and then running on maal-gaadi!!! (Rani running, not baby running that would have been like Ripley's believe it or not)
2. Direction/ Cinematography - Shaad Ali has done a really good job I think with all the actors - and you cant blame him can you for just making all the actors do everything everything possible under the sun - Shiamak Davar head toss steps and arms akimbo running backwards movements, Cleavage heaving in loud when-did-kitsch-become-mainstream outfits, Punjabi/ Cow-belt impersonations, Ash proudly revelaving 2.5 spare tires in itsy-bitsy ghaghracholi? I mean, when will anyone ever get the whole bunch of them together again in one production? Oh wait wait I hear Yashji is making yet another patriotic movie and ghost-sponsoring some more awards for his films and actors since there is water shortage and no toiletpapaer either so the only way the Chopra clan can get their asses clean is when licked lovingly and constantly by the film media.
(ED: We interrupt this heated spiel too give quick note on KILL BILL - love it love it, cant wait to see final chapter, ok done!!! Back to Bunty and Bubbly...)Ya, ok I'm done too - so my lessons from movie is point no 1: faith reposed in Rani and Abhishek proved true!!! and point no 2: Kitsch is like yesterday's news dude!!!! nooooooo - i cannot see one more faux-little-scraps-of-brocade-and-sequins-since i have no money and-i-fashioned-this-from-my-own-little-imagination jhola/ kurti/ skirt/ pyjama/ shirt again. And Rani should refuse to wear it - they deserve to be sued - not for copying, but too many colours!! and point no 3: ash is sooo much better when with dark kohl hot look than ice-maiden.
Also, also since it was four of us for movie, have gotted free ticket for when I want to see Mr. & Mrs Smith to see if there is any chemisrty between Brad Pitt and Jolie because as Joey said if they doing it off camera there wont be any chemistry on-screen!!! heahehahehhahe a( evil laugh)
subsituting with review of stuff nobody cares about
Stupendous Rash prohibited from posting most hilarious but marginally incriminatory InaneChatter of April 5, 2005.
So, will be back after weekend with hopefully my take on following movies:
1. Revenge of the Sith
2. Kung Fu Hustle
3. Royal China dim-sum lunch (which is not a movie but a restaurant)
Oh, and big news is that husband has joined PCS as a consultant in the Biznez Intelligence & Data Warehousing division. So, have to be strong and supportive and wake up at 7am to make tea and brekkers!!! exhausted - will spend weekend nights wedged on sofa pointed at TV
